Oz and the Wizard -

At the Armless Crackpot

Oz and John Baez

Oz crashed through the doors of the Village Pub (obscurely called the Armless Crackpot) and looked round. At 4 AM in the morning it was predictably empty. The only other occupant was Rosie doing the last of the clearing up.

"Allo me darlin' Oz." she said, much to Oz's astonishment "and what brings you 'ere so late in the evening. Everybody else is long since in bed."

"Oh, nothing much, bit of a bust up with the Wizard." Stuttered Oz, shivering with cold, "I thought it would be best to move out."

"Oooo my, but you do look cold and hungry. You sit over there by the fire and I'll bring you a beer and a Cornish pastie, we have some left over." Rosie said with a big smile.

Oz wondered if perhaps what little GR he had gleaned was already having an effect. He wondered even more when Rosie brought the food over, set it down in front of him and snuggled down next to him.

"Ooo my, but you're ever so cold." She said "Perhaps I should warm you up a bit. I don't suppose you have anywhere to stay, fancy staying in my rooms for the night?"

Oz very nearly choked on his pastie. He wondered if perhaps he had been a bit remiss in leaving the Wizard so precipitously. Obviously GR was powerful magic indeed. On the other hand the Wizard's wrath was a fearsome thing too, and he felt very comfortable where he was. Well, very comfortable indeed, actually.

"Why, that's uncommonly kind of you," said Oz "I would be delighted to."

"We'll soon have you warmed up then." said Rosie "I think you will enjoy it."

At that minute the Inn doors burst open. In flew the Wizard (literally, his feet were a foot off the floor). He whisked off his goggles and turned off his navigation lights. He turned to Oz and said

"You did it. You answered the questions. You passed, now you can come straight back and I'll show you how I calculate the Riemann tensor, isn't that good?"

At that particular moment Oz didn't think it was good at all. In fact it was the last thing on his mind. He wished the Wizard had better timing.

"Ooo" said Rosie "Are you going to be a Wizard?"

Oz's brow furrowed. What an impossible decision. To go, or to stay? A night with Rosie or Riemann tensors. Well, what would you do? (NB Please don't answer this). With a heavy heart Oz took the only possible choice. It's best to humour Wizards.

"Why thank you, Great Wizard." he said more brightly than he felt "I wonder if you could give me a lift?" (NB Derisory boos from off left)

"Ooo" said Rosie "I can't wait for you to come back again."

But Oz hadn't heard, the Wizard had flicked up his goggles, turned on his navigation lights, grabbed Oz round the waist and shot out through the door towards his Keep. It would have been more impressive if he had opened the door first.

On the way back, Oz decided that learning was a difficult thing, and required many sacrifices. Somehow he didn't think the Wizard really appreciated this.

Oh, and it was damned cold at 10,000 ft and 800KPH.

Continued...